It’s Ghostface, your friendly COVID contact tracer, and whatever you do, don’t hang up.

Hello there. I’ve been hired by the state to check up on you. You might be alone at home getting ready to binge some Netflix when I call. My number will be mysterious on the caller ID, and you might think it’s your boyfriend’s new cell number. But it’s me, Ghostface, just calling to say hi and give you a little jolt.

I will be compassionate and empathetic at first but don’t get too comfortable. You’re going to have to spill your guts so I can reach everyone in your bubble. I need all your recent contacts — your friends and your family, so you’d better cooperate with me, a stranger on the phone asking you for your loved one’s whereabouts.

Here’s what you should expect when I call. First, I will make an introduction and confirm your identity. The conversation will probably go something like this:

— Hello.

— Yes?

— Who is this?

— Who are you trying to reach?

— You.

— Well, I think you have the wrong number.

— Do I?

— It happens.

I will then reassure you that there is nothing to worry about and that this is just a routine phone call. I will use…