Get back into the thrill of it!

Climb to over 300 feet at a speed of 70 miles an hour. Get a dose of the COVID vaccine. Have your photo snapped at the top of the ride for convenient social media sharing. Scream because it’s summer again! Also because last year’s shorts are too tight. Or maybe it’s just the centripetal force of the coaster pushing at your stomach? Yeah, that’s totally it.


A 2021 Congressional Fable

Image by Jim Larkin on iStock

“Congressional action on federal voting rights legislation must be the result of both Democrats and Republicans coming together to find a pathway forward or we risk further dividing and destroying the republic we swore to protect and defend as elected officials.” — Sen. Joe Manchin, D-W.Va (NBC News, June 16, 2021)

One day there was a Manchin on his way to Washington with a Donkey and an Elephant. The Elephant was going on and on about who should be allowed to vote. The Donkey tried to slip him some peanut sleeping pills but they didn’t work. The Elephant kept talking…

You could really use some barbecue today because the hurricanes destroyed your kitchen? That’s too bad.

Photo by Evan Wise on Unsplash

“I want to be clear to folks in this region who are thinking about making that dangerous trek to the United States-Mexico border: Do not come. Do not come.” — Kamala Harris (Source: AP)

Hey there. Just stopping by to say hi. How’s the weather over there? It’s pretty sunny on my side of the fence. We’ve got plenty of good food, and I know you want a taste of it — I heard those climate-change hurricanes destroyed most of your crops. But, here’s the thing. You know how I told you to come over whenever you wanted for barbecue…

Hello there. I’ve been hired by the state to check up on you. You might be alone at home getting ready to binge some Netflix when I call. My number will be mysterious on the caller ID, and you might think it’s your boyfriend’s new cell number. But it’s me, Ghostface, just calling to say hi and give you a little jolt.

I will be compassionate and empathetic at first but don’t get too comfortable. You’re going to have to spill your guts so I can reach everyone in your bubble. …

I hear some of you might be upset with me for replacing Aunt Jemima on store shelves. Believe me, I was shocked to not find my face on packaging that looked like it was designed by the same people who make flyers for personal injury lawyers. With Microsoft Publisher.

I know when they were rebranding, they were trying to be as un-racist as they could be, so they chose my name — which is in no way reminiscent of mills or any southern-labor type thing. The fact that they chose me, Pearl, when oysters are not an ingredient, just shows…

It starts at 5 p.m., sharp!

Photo by Santtu Perkiö on Unsplash

Good evening, everyone. Thank you for joining me for this briefing where I will answer all your questions regarding tonight’s dinner. I can assure you that dinner will be ‘yummy,’ and that you can pronounce all the ingredients just like you have no trouble with pronouncing the lingo from your favorite video games. You have also eaten all these items before in the exact same shapes and formats they will appear in tonight. The steps I have taken over the last several hours to ensure no visible green would rival that of any drug trafficker.

Now, let’s open it up…

Rochelle Elana Fisher

Copywriter/Humorist. Read my mind @SlackjawHumor @PointsinCase @The_Belladonnas @DailyDrunkMag @littleoldlady__ also in a 2006 era VIAGRA brochure.

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