“I’m eager to influence impressionable young minds.” — To The Principal at the Saint-Rémy-de-Provence: I hear, through my one good ear, that you are in need of an Arts & Crafts teacher, and I am the perfect person for this position. I worked briefly as an assistant teacher, so I have experience dealing with the challenging ways of…

For the mom who has to clean up the mess after the Mother’s Day flowers accidentally end up on the floor: 2. For the mom who has three carpools to run before 9 AM:

Marjorie Taylor Greene said that Ukraine’s openness over the past few years to form alliances with the West amounted to agitating Russia, or “poking the bear,” as she called it. — Forbes, March 22, 2022 You poked him because: He was eating peanut butter in a nut-free zone. 2. You found him in your…

Literature’s famous jilted bride is out for revenge! — 8:40 AM/Sunrise: I know today is Valentine’s Day even though I stopped my clocks and lost track of time when I was jilted on my wedding day. I can feel the romance in the air just as I feel the itch upon my raw skin. The idea of sweet love…

Time to get back to basic germs. — Friends, I just got over Omicron, so let’s party! I’ve spent a lot of time in bed watching TikToks and I’m all inspired to create one of those overflowing nacho tables. I’m planning on making the sickest one, where I’ll pour out a whole mix of ingredients directly onto a…

A Bob Saget Tribute — Sweetie, how cute you look on the outside is not nearly as important as how angry you feel on the inside. Especially during Daddy’s Zoom meeting, when your tantrum over your “bad” building blocks consumes the entire house. Do you need a hug? I’m behind you, no matter what you…

Don’t worry, it’s just Flurona. — “Doctors have long been concerned about the potential impact of a “twindemic” — with influenza cases rising as covid-19 cases threaten to overwhelm hospitals — and called on people to get flu shots and coronavirus vaccinations. On the other hand, “flurona” refers to when one person has both respiratory infections…

Forget actual gifts. Knowledge is powerful play. — Listen, I know you really want presents this year. But I can’t control some things like if the toy you want is stuck somewhere in the Pacific because of shipping delays. And anyway, if I just buy you the most popular toy, what’s that going to do for you? Sure…