Published inFrazzled·May 16Member-onlyAre You a Parent Doing Homework With Your Kids or Are You a Stranded Character on Yellowjackets?You are in serious need of rescuing. To survive, you need to rely on knowledge you learned long ago. “But we’re starving!” There are weird symbols you need to decipher. You wish you had a better understanding of geography. You’re still wondering what on Earth you should make for dinner. …Satire1 min readSatire1 min read
Published inSlackjaw·May 14Member-onlyI’m Planning You The Best Mother’s Day Ever, But I Need You To Be Super InvolvedMommy. I’ve been looking for you everywhere and there you are on the toilet. I need you to help me with this card I’m making you for Mother’s Day. Where’s the construction paper and markers? Also, I need those craft eyes to make a dinosaur. And scissors and glue and…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inThe Belladonna Comedy·May 2Member-onlyDr. Seuss’s Oh! The Places You’ll Go With A Newborn!By Rochelle E. Fisher with Illustrations by Marissa Maciel Congratulations! You gave birth yesterday. Now your insurance has ended This hospital stay! You have bricks in your head. You have brains in your shoes. Now please find yourself Any other bed you choose. You’re on your own. Do you know what you know? And YOU…Humor4 min readHumor4 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Apr 5Member-onlyWeightWatchers® Introduces PersonalPassoverPoints® Which GuaranteesConfusion® For OneWeekPlus®We at WW International®, Inc. strive to make WeightManagement® as easy as memorizing an EntireNewPointsSystem® several times a year. That’s why we are introducing another new, very copyrighted MyPlan® program called PersonalPassoverPoints® specially designed for those observing the holiday for OneWeekPlus®. Why is this week different from all other weeks…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inThe Belladonna Comedy·Mar 29Member-onlyUnlike Your Bank, Our Sleep Number Mattress Promises to Keep Your Money Extra Firm, Extra Cool, and Extra Safe ForeverTrust us more than the FDIC. — Hello. I’m happy you wandered in here today looking for a new mattress. Now’s the perfect time to take your money out of the bank and transfer it into our 360 P5 Smart bed. Hand it over to us in one of those ivory linen bank sacks, we’ll take our…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Mar 18Member-onlyHemingway’s The Snows Of Kilimanjaro During Peak Ski SeasonThe bench the rich man sat on was in the narrow shade of a fir tree. He was with his sort-of girlfriend. He had a rule that you should never go on a trip with someone you did not love. Lately, he found he needed a drink to be with…Satire3 min readSatire3 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Mar 4Member-onlyWelcome To Our Very Accepting Gym Where You Will Only Feel Comfortable If You’re Already In ShapeHey, you! We’re so glad you stopped in today to get a tour of our facility. Our state-of-the-art gym is open to everyone. …Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Dec 21, 2022Member-onlyWe’re Coming For Christmas And We Just Have A Few Small RequestsThanks for inviting us to spend the holidays with you! We are looking forward! We just have a few small requests — nothing too crazy. So excited to come! You’re the best. We don’t eat potatoes, so please don’t make any. We aren’t allergic, we just can’t stand the sight…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Nov 23, 2022Member-onlyThe Perfect Time To Recount My Daughter’s Birth Story In Gory Detail Is While You’re Racing Against The Clock Trying To Stuff A TurkeyHey, thanks for having me over! I know I’m insanely early, but don’t mind me. I’m just going to stand here in the kitchen as you fiddle with the turkey. I would offer to help you prep for the thirteen people you invited, but I would just make things worse…Thanksgiving3 min readThanksgiving3 min read
Published inSlackjaw·Sep 11, 2022Member-onlyHemingway’s Mr. & Mrs. Elliot Try To Conceive While Vacationing In The BahamasMr. & Mrs. Elliot tried very hard to have a baby. They tried as much as Mrs. Elliot could handle at the age of forty. Many people believed they were not having a baby because of a problem with Mrs. Elliot, who was a woman and women disintegrate easily. Especially…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read