Mommy. I’ve been looking for you everywhere and there you are on the toilet. I need you to help me with this card I’m making you for Mother’s Day. Where’s the construction paper and markers? Also, I need those craft eyes to make a dinosaur. And scissors and glue and…

By Rochelle E. Fisher with Illustrations by Marissa Maciel Congratulations! You gave birth yesterday. Now your insurance has ended This hospital stay! You have bricks in your head. You have brains in your shoes. Now please find yourself Any other bed you choose. You’re on your own. Do you know what you know? And YOU…

We at WW International®, Inc. strive to make WeightManagement® as easy as memorizing an EntireNewPointsSystem® several times a year. That’s why we are introducing another new, very copyrighted MyPlan® program called PersonalPassoverPoints® specially designed for those observing the holiday for OneWeekPlus®. Why is this week different from all other weeks…

Trust us more than the FDIC. — Hello. I’m happy you wandered in here today looking for a new mattress. Now’s the perfect time to take your money out of the bank and transfer it into our 360 P5 Smart bed. Hand it over to us in one of those ivory linen bank sacks, we’ll take our…

The bench the rich man sat on was in the narrow shade of a fir tree. He was with his sort-of girlfriend. He had a rule that you should never go on a trip with someone you did not love. Lately, he found he needed a drink to be with…

Hey, you! We’re so glad you stopped in today to get a tour of our facility. Our state-of-the-art gym is open to everyone. …

Thanks for inviting us to spend the holidays with you! We are looking forward! We just have a few small requests — nothing too crazy. So excited to come! You’re the best. We don’t eat potatoes, so please don’t make any. We aren’t allergic, we just can’t stand the sight…

Hey, thanks for having me over! I know I’m insanely early, but don’t mind me. I’m just going to stand here in the kitchen as you fiddle with the turkey. I would offer to help you prep for the thirteen people you invited, but I would just make things worse…

Mr. & Mrs. Elliot tried very hard to have a baby. They tried as much as Mrs. Elliot could handle at the age of forty. Many people believed they were not having a baby because of a problem with Mrs. Elliot, who was a woman and women disintegrate easily. Especially…